good will comes welling uncontrolled up out of the earth

my last day in bangkok--its an interesting city, but i have to add--thank god. the heat and exhaust have been getting to me--but in spite of that, i saw some really interesting things today. i had that interview in tokyo the day i left (or, was supposed to leave), so ive been carrying around the suit i wore, and dress shoes i wish never to wear again, though theyre more or less brand new, and id intended to give it all to the first poor person i saw here (but now am thinking thats sort of a simplistic way of looking at it--what qualfies as poor? how do i know what a poor person is or looks like or does? by american standards, probably every Thai person ive seen since ive been here is poor...), but failed to do so for awhile, and since im going to Chiang Mai tonight, i decided it was time to dump them, rahter then pointlessly carry it all north. so in the morning i wandered over near a pier where the last couple days its seemed like the poorest looking people have been (people selling on the sidewalk, but they only have a few medallions or belts or used shoes--i have no idea how they make enough to get by. i guess they dont), and came on a band playing on teh corner of the market... there was a woman singer, and a keyboardist and man on a big harmonica and a girl with finger cymbals, and a drummer making the strangest sort of sluggish but ontime beats. she had a beautiful voice, and it all felt really natural and inspired. the front three girls all had boxes for donations... it took a moment for me to realize they were all blind. i think it was some kind of disease that had affected them all, becuase their eyes all looked the same when theyd open them-- anyway, the music ahd this really peculiar feel to it, and they all looked like they were so into it. and i realized they were improvising on or makin gup all the songs they were playing--someone woudl just start, and the other people would fall in, and shed start singing... i gave them a few hundred baht and my shoes. i left my suit shirt and tie wrapped in my belt a bit further on the same street. and walking past the walls of temple where i took meditation class the day before, a pretty young girl with two children asked me for money... her kids were sleeping, but they didnt look well off, and she showed me how much milk was left in teh bottle. i gave her the rest of the food i was eating and some money, and asked if i could take her picture, to remember. she smiled me the happiest smile. i have lessons to learn.

i went back to section five of Wat Maharathat today, adn did some more meditation in teh basement with Steven, the red-and-gray haired fellow who was there yesterday (hed asked whether buddhism had a creation story, it was the only thing he said during the whole talk yesterday, and Helen just told him it was irrelevant--the buddha said there was no need to think about that sort of thing, because it had no bearing on teh immediate problem, the extinction of suffering. i think he was abashed. i waited for her to tell the rad story i know about the buddha that illustrates that point, btu she didnt... so OK im going to tell it. sorry. here it goes: one of the buddhas followers, like Steven, was askign him those sorts of metaphysical questions, and the buddha told him he was like a man who'd been shot with an arrow, and before he would let anyone pull it out, he demanded to know who had made the arrow, and what sort of wood it was, and which bird the feathers had come from...). another red-haired american looking guy showed up later; he somehow seemed to me like an all-american football player (his shoes, outside the temple door, were printed with american flag and had come from old navy). it was so strange to see him sitting in half-lotus position trying to focus on his breathing.... but no stranger than Steven or I, i guess, or any of the other thai people there who were just learning.

anyways, todays session was so nice... vipassana seems a lot easier to do than zazen. i sat for forty minutes or so, then did walking meditation, and it felt really clean and fresh, and the time wasnt long at all... somehow sitting there i felt like this was more worthwhile than most of the things ive been doing for teh last stretch of my life... i left my job and everyone i knew in Japan to do volunteer work, but ive believed fora long time that you cant really help other people unless youre in a good place yourself, and i dont think i really am--i get frustrated iwth people much more easily than before, etc... so maybe this feels right because its a good first step on the road to being a really great volunteer, and doing what ive been trying to do for a long time, work for otehr peoples' benefit. teaching sort of did that, but (i hope) volunteering will be even more directly so, becuase no money will be involved.

anyways, after an hour and a half at the temple (including some chanting in Pali, which was interesting), i took a tuk-tuk (the three-wheeled cabs) to Wat Sakat, which is a temple built on the ruins of a temple that collapsed, and so sits on a little hill. i didnt expect much, but the hill has waterfalls and all this vegetation, and the stairs up are long, curling around the hill, with level points now and then with rows of bells you can ring... and once you get to the top, theres this huge golden stupa in the middle ofa rooftop with all these bells, and the breeze you cant feel on the streets blowing through and ringing them--and all of bangkok spread out in the four directions. such an open peaceful place... i wanted to stay longer, it was only open for forty-five minutes more or so by the time i got there... but i soaked it in as much as possible, and felt really bad for teh people who got there after it was closed. i met a couple from singapore up there, and verified that 'alamok' is a curse word in singlish (singaporean english), though they told me it actually comes from malay... they sort of reminded me of japanese people. anyways, im grabbing some sidewalk cafe thai food and heading for the train station--taking the non-aircon diesel train to Chiang Mai, which Steven (from the plane) told me is so rad, cause you just roll all night with the windows open and the breeze coming through, and the sound of the old engine chugging... its gonna be a 13 hour trip, but i cant wait. and my guidebook says Chiang Mai has all sorts of classes you can take on thai cooking, yoga, meditation, and lots of trekking tours to take.. i think its gonna be great. ill let you know. love and well-wishes- -